So my computer broke. It all happened like a movie. First my msn was being super trash and inconvenient so I swore it to the depths of the ocean to never see the light of day again. And then in a dramatic twist, as if God Himself decided that I should be taught a lesson, my whole computer broke down. So now I don’t have a computer.
The sharp ones out there (Doug, James, Hey Arnold guy, etc.) will be wondering over how I could possibly be blogging if I don’t have a computer to blog on? Indeed, is it possible to fly without wings or a plane? Is it possible to eat without food? Is it possible to love without a heart?
Such questions have plagued the human mind for centuries, in fact, millenia, and I do not think that a mere blog post on aag1.tumblr.com would be the answer to such questions, and so in due respect, I shall leave them unanswered.
As you have no doubt picked up by now, I am in quite a profound frame of mind today. Why, you may ask. But then again, maybe you wouldn’t ask that and ask something like ‘Who killed Mufasa?’ Some say it was Scar, some say it was the buffallos, some think Mufasa was past his best, and some ask if there really was a Mufasa. In the end, all we need to remember is that Dumbo’s mum loved him very much.
In other extremely important news, I have stumbled across an interesting discovery when journeying along the road of life, across the bridges of travesty and through the forests of happiness. It has been revealed to me through the highly reliable news source of “Good News Week” that Justin Bieber is releasing a memoir. Crazy. It should be illegal for the Justin Bieber to be using the word memoir at all.
I think one day I shall allow myself the pleasure, and in the process everyone else the torture, of announcing that I too shall write a memoir, complete with all the spelling mistakes and anecdotes of Phat in physics class that my loyal readers have grown accustomed to on this very blog. But until then, aag1.tumblr.com shall be the home of my thoughts, and this in fact leads me to my next point.
In my extremely philosophical mood, in between questioning the meaning of life and whether nutella does in fact contain the ingredient “Kick-ass”, my mind wondered momentarily to a distant land. A land of pleasure, happiness and success. A land, where the perfect blog post had been written.
Rudely, as if I had walked into the girls bathroom, I was yanked from this land and placed back on Earth, left searching frantically for what could possibly be in this ‘perfect post’. Since then, I have been able to put together some scraps that I believe would partly make up this elusive ‘perfect post’.
1) A mad-ass title. Check. Today’s title is one of ingenuity, class and alliteration. Not only does it perfectly capture at least something I might hint at through the course of this blog, or maybe not, it is also a sneaky reference to the final chapter of the epic Star Wars saga, Star Wars: Return of the Jedi, as it possesses the same number of words. I am my own harshest critic, but sometimes I even amaze myself.
2) A bit of class. Being a middle-class worker, slaving away on the grind day after day, it may be thought that class is something that my blogs would lack. Yet this is definitely not the case. For I talk about several issues that only those of the highest order would tackle. For example, love. What is love? Nobody even knows. Sometimes I think that nobody can define love because it can be a noun or a verb, so yeah. Class? Check. I also talk about politics. Liberal, Labor, Julia Gillard, Tony Abbott, Aryan and the Sands of Time. There.
3) A touch of understanding of the audience to which you are intending to attract. Check. This is easy for me, mainly because I have a true and well developed understanding in this area, having worked for many years as a son for my mum. I aim to target the niche areas of adolescents, along with the age groups of grannies and foetuses. I also am able to attract both genders, boys with the talk of such things as sport, Legolas and manly stuff and girls with talk of make-up, Legolas and lipstick.
4) Talk about a road trip. Road trips are cool. Check.
5) Some humour, especially if it is characteristic of your blog. Once again, this is simple for my go-to move is to make fun of R. Swami or B. Tran. Good blokes. But to make fun of them all you have to do is point out anything they’ve done over the past 18 years. Check.
6) Add a little wisdom, in the form of a really inspirational quote, which is then attributed to an anonymous author.
7) Use different languages to truly appeal a wider audience. Chèque.
8) Use of other media. To do this, merely pick out a ridiculously mad photograph, and then if you want to go from a mere bench player to a Kobe Bryant, then add a little caption underneath, detailing clearly what is happening in the photograph in a most scientific manner. Check.
A new plan has been unveiled to assist blind dogs with ‘Guide Canaries’. It is yet to be seen whether it will be a success.
Anyways, as you can tell, it is really hard to get all these things into one blog post. And this is merely scraping the tip of the metaphorical iceberg that is the perfect blog post which will sink the metaphorical Titanic which is your brain. I hope to see you guys around some time soon, and as my profound aura for tonight is seemingly vanishing quicker than Bryan at the start of a fight, I shall bid you adieu with this piece of inspiration:
“It’s a long way to the top, if you want to rock and roll.” - Anon
Check.
