As the NBA All Star Game approaches, I think it is only appropriate that we take ourselves back a few days to our glory years in high school, and answer a question we never did. One that has plagued the minds of onlookers for many a recess game, or as the Open’s A basketball team ran away to an undefeated championship. Many a time have I sat there, sipping at the beautiful, heavenly, ice-chilled bubblers of Muirfield high school wondering to myself how the hell a school with bent backboards and rings could have chilled bubblers. Freud would’ve gone crazy. But I digress. The real question that needs answering, in probably my most controversial blog post to date, is who would be on the Ruse All Star Team ‘09.
I think first off we would need to have a stadium to play our match in. If that stadium is one of Muirfield’s courts, then we probably need another one too. One that works.
First position I would have to lock in would be the Coach. Though Ms. Eathorne and Mr. Driscoll tried very hard in their interim position (including awarding me season MVP for my role off the bench), you can’t go past the sprinkler-moving, travel-calling phenom that is Ms. Russell. Her free-throw banking specialist assistant coach would be Ms. Mayers.
Now to the real, gritty stuff. We need to form a team with great balance, skill, determination, other cool stuff and one in the end, that will not only win, but put on a great spectacle for the fans.
CENTRE:
Contestants: Don Zhang, Jeremy Tan, Anthony Le, Victor Butjneski.
This is probably one of the hardest sections, with four very skilled contestants vying for one position. But noone ever said life was easy. Normally it would be easy to go for Don “the-only-person-to-have-dunked-and-yes-bryan,-you-don’t-count-as-having-dunked” Zhang, but in All Star games sometimes having ankles that last more than five minutes can be important.
Jeremy “Slobbermush” Tan would usually put forward a good option too, but in the end he did miss those free throws to knock the Revolution out of the playoffs. Luckily Bryan was there to provide emotional support. And, we at James Ruse AHS, (though in times of pain, in times of strife, being in pursuit of excellence) are very, very unforgiving. Which means a big fat no to Jeremy, I’m afraid.
Now onto Victor “Azafat” Butnejski. He brings a lot to the table, particularly if table in question is a dinner table, but keeping on basketball he has had great form both on and off the court. And apparently the stories are true and girls actually do run to him naked and screaming. But, let’s not get carried away. And really, need we look past AzafaTv? This case is closed.
Verdict: Don to start, Victor for backup, Jeremy to cover when Don gets injured.
FORWARD:
Contestants: Bryan Tran, Anthony Le, Sy Lee, Peter Chen, Simon Chow, Michael Li.
In a sudden twist of fate, the referees announced that the ‘and one’ rule had been removed, so all of a sudden Anthony “Phat” Le was feeling the love tonight as last minute votes came rushing in. Unfortunately he couldn’t muster the million votes he needed in that last minute, and so he’s out.
I would love to cut Bryan “Big Time” Tran from my team, I really would. But I just can’t. I’m sorry, fans. Every All Star team needs that one guy that shouldn’t be there. The ‘Joe Johnson’ of Ruse, Bryan Tran has always had the potential to do something productive, but has squandered that potential and seemingly traded it in for an overpriced chicken sandwich at the canteen. He has since filled out his resume with own goals to lose matches, fouling out in critical KO matches, and somehow not getting bashed by those ripped guys from Doonside.
Though Simon “Simy” Chow was on the initial voting ballot, he has since had to pull out with a bust lip. Nobody saw that one coming.
Sy Lee provides great variety, most off by being a girl. Her other skills involve rebounding and blocking shots without jumping and also having a name made up of two letters. Often critics have had their critical way by pointing a criticising finger at her ‘gentle’ nature, but this was all thrown out the metaphorical window when she abused my mum.
Peter Chen has unluckily missed out on selection unfortunately, because some retard has put him in the forward category when he clearly asked to be put in the guard section. Maybe it is due to the extremely straight gym outings with Aryan, but in the end the voters haven’t warmed up to his bazooka styled three point shot. Bad Luck, P-Chenny.
Michael “BS Champion” Li lives up to his nickname on a daily basis. He also brings a brilliant side to the game few can match: Trashtalking. Now I myself, and others such as Thashan and Bryan pride ourselves on trashtalking, but the thing with Mike is that you can never say anything back to him. It’s probably because he mucks it up and doesn’t make sense, but with gems like this, how can you say no: “Hey James, why don’t you go to the bank and buy yourself a game!”
It feels like I have cut most the contestants, but now I realise I actually have to pick four of them, so if you did get cut, you actually suck.
Verdict: Bryan Tran and Michael Li to start, Peter Chen/Anthony Le and Sy Lee for backup and Simon Chow to carry mouthguards.
GUARDS: Thashan Murugathas, James Tang, Krishan Subhaharan, Anthony Le, Gabriel Fong, Deva Nirthanakumaran
In what has become the most hotly contested group, the first person I’ll have to cut is Kris. I’m sorry mate, and even though it is actually your birthday whilst I am writing this, the Ruse Allstar Game waits for no birthday. I’m not really sure why I’m cutting Kris, but since when did any of my reasons matter?
Thashan “Big Homie” Murugathas is a fundamental part of the team. Kobe-like swagger, he also brings a really cool nickname that will sound mad if people in the huge crowd start chanting it. So he’s in.
James “Cadbury Flake” Tang is a perennial favourite, not least of commentator and basketball analyst, Marcus Wong, with his catch-phrase “THROWS IT UP TO NO-ONE”! Lines like that have made Marcus a household name in some people’s houses. Or housii if you want to be gramatically correct.
Gabriel “Gaby Baby” Fong is our resident nice guy, and forms possibly the smalled demographic in the universe. People who study physio and not just because they didn’t make med. Amazing. It also allows us to save costs on the medical side of things for the game.
Deva “I don’t think I even have a nickname” Nirthanakumaran is actually busy at the time taking up the Skills Challenge of missing most fast break layups, but has said that he ‘will try and make it for the fans’. Which fans he is actually talking about remains to be seen.
Verdict: Thashan and Gabriel to start, James and Kris for backup, Deva for James’ backup when he flakes.
Well that’s the team sorted. Now we just need some poor unsuspecting fools to beat. Any takers?
Finally, if anyone does read this before 2012 and the eventual destruction of the universe, please feel to leave in the comments section your own selection. Note that noone will actually care, but please do feel free to waste your time doing it. Good day.
